Great Expectations… will bite you in the ass every time.
I know that having expectations can be problematic, especially when dealing with matters of the heart. Yet knowing this doesn’t stop me from having them most of the time. Here is an example. I joined eHarmony last month. Now there is a big old steaming pile of expectations just waiting to happen. I think everybody goes into a process like eHarmony with expectations. No matter how intelligent a person might be, there is still something in the back of their head saying, “I’m going to meet the man/woman of my dreams here.” Otherwise, why would you be doing it, right? I mean you’re paying good money for some computer to set you up with complete strangers, on the off chance that you will meet Prince or Princess Charming.
Now, I’m not criticizing eHarmony. I think it’s an interesting process, and does give people a chance to meet where they otherwise wouldn’t. I’ve gotten a lot of matches, some with potential and others that I just thought WTF? The first day that I signed up, I was like Pavlov’s dog every time it heard the bell. I couldn’t go an hour without checking to see if I’d been matched with anyone. The reasons for this were: I just forked over $110 for three months of matches; I’m a wee bit compulsive; and I was terrified that some damn computer was going to confirm my worst fear… that I was unmatchable!!!!
For those of you who don’t have a clue how eHarmony works, I’ll fill you in. First, you complete this VERY long survey, which basically outlines your personality, for better or worse. Once completed, they give you a run down on what “type” of person you are, covering such scintillating categories as agreeableness, openness, emotional stability (my personal favorite), conscientiousness, and extraversion. After that you complete basics such as where you live and how far away you would travel to meet a match, smoking, drinking preferences, religion, children and things of that nature. Now, by this point I feel like Cleavon Little in Blazing Saddles when he says, “Where are all the white women at?” I mean, come on, I want a date, not the guy’s friggin’ dental records! Finally, they ask you for your money. After dutifully forking over my credit card number and downloading a fabulous photo of myself in which I try to portray myself as a cross somewhere between June Cleaver and Mae West, I was ready for action.
Well, on day one the floodgates opened. eHarmony must have thrown 30 matches at me within a 24 hour period. On the next day I received another 25 or more. I kept thinking that if it kept up like this I would have to find someone, just based on the law of averages. Frankly, I was amazed that there were that many single men left on the planet. Well, single men who were straight. Now, I have to confess that out of those 50+ matches, there were only 10 worth a second look and only 5 that I felt were date worthy. (Think about that Seinfeld episode with Elaine and the “sponges” and you’ll get my drift.)
I decided to be proactive and contact 5 of the men that eHarmony thought would be my “soul mate.” Hell if I was going to sit around waiting to be contacted! So, I made the initial contact with the first 5 and received a response almost immediately from one of the guys. I was excited – validation that I WASN’T UNMATCHABLE! We proceeded to have our “guided communication” (another eHarmony procedure – don’t ask) for a couple of days and then poof! Nothing more. He stopped communicating. I had not heard from any of the other guys I had contacted either. I waited… and waited… and waited…. No one else responds. That’s when I found out through the eHarmony FAQ thread that many people, unfortunately, just don’t respond if they aren’t interested. Great. Cyber rudeness!
And what you hear is the sound of another expectation crashing into the side of a mountain.
Well, after about a week I did begin to hear from some of the gentlemen who were, in eHarmony’s eyes, destined to be my soul mate. Next week’s installment… CONTACT IS MADE! Stay tuned.
Tags: dating, over 40, romance
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